Emotional Parenting and Role Models

Beyond nurturing and facilitating a life for our growing children, whatever ideas we may have on this, there is something else to consider.

We may have planned a family, but it is worth remembering every child comes as a unique bundle of energy that does not belong to us, any more than we can say our own energy belongs to us. Our core consciousness just is, and their core consciousness just is too.

They come through us for our loving, not our keeping.

Loving our children , beyond nurture and facilitating, means creating a space around them for them to grow in, to get to know themselves and grow in their own expression of energy, whether we like it or not. Whether anyone else likes it or not.

If we give them any other message than this it is has ceased to be a loving message and is now a message of the stress of the parent that is being communicated, and the stress of the parent’s environment.

“You may give them your love but not your thoughts,

For they have their own thoughts. You may house their bodies but not their souls,

For their souls live in the house of tomorrow, which you cannot visit,

Not even in your dreams.

You may strive to be like them, but seek not to make them like you.

For life goes not backward nor tarries with yesterday.”

When we impose our thinking on our children this often leads to misunderstanding and anxiety for all concerned. If we act on our intuition, and release our own often conditioned thinking on parenting, then our children do not become a focus for our own purpose and meaning in life. They are here to leave their own energetic footprint, facilitated by our love, not our stress. We are then free to be curious around our own creative use of personal energy beyond what is required of us in parenting our children.

Beyond a certain age, what our children need from us is our own authentic creative expression. They need to get to know who we are.

This is because we have become the role model for their evolving lives.


By freely expressing our truth and our talents, and encouraging them to show theirs.

By not being afraid to be seen to be vulnerable, it gives our children permission to draw closer to us, and creates space for them to show their vulnerability too.

We do this by allowing our emotional selves to become known to them, and by taking personal responsibility around our emotions. This in turn allows them, our children, free expression of emotions and reinforces their own personal responsibility in an unconditionally loving atmosphere.

Release the need to be a perfectionist, or a rigid thinker. You will put distance between you and your child if you don’t, because love is a free exchange of energy and is unconditional.

Release all perception of lack in yourself. There is nothing wrong with you. You are a human being making her way through life as best you can. Give yourself a break.

By doing this you enable your child to do the same for herself too.

Release all unworkable patterns in your dealings with others, this enables your child to do the same for himself in his encounters with others in his young life.

See through your resistance to want to do this for yourself. You are being too hard on yourself and it benefits no-one that you are not being the best expression of yourself that you can be.

This allows your child to see through his own resistance to want to nurture himself this way too.

Accept that we cannot battle with nature, only embrace what nature is telling us. We only go into battle with ourselves if we don’t do this for ourselves and risk manifesting illness.

By doing this we set up a pattern for health for our children, now and for their future lives. We are showing them what it is to take personal responsibility around what really matters, regardless of what others may say. Others who do not like this are expressing their own stress.

Accept that making mistakes is essential for our enlightened passage through the world.

Falling down and choosing to get up again is empowering , no matter what anyone else may say.

When our children see we are doing this for ourselves, we are being the best role model we can be, because we will be showing our children a way forward that works ,because it is gentle, kind, responsible, rational, reasonable, enabling, creative, and refers them to their own intuitive responses and is therefore empowering. From here we gain their respect without feeling the need to demand it. The need to demand respect reveals parental stress.

Above all they will know you are on their side by how they are feeling when they are with you.

They will know they are loved unconditionally, and you will know you are loved unconditionally too in the exchange and flow of energy passing between you. This never goes away, no matter the physical distance or distance in time. Love may change form, but will never be destroyed. It is not physically possible.

“You are the bows from which your children as living arrows are sent forth.

The archer sees the mark upon the infinite, and He bends you with His might that His arrows may go swift and far.

Let your bending in the Archer’s hand be for gladness;

For even as He loves the arrow that flies, so He also loves the bow that is stable”.

The Prophet

Kahlil Gibran

Recovery from Fibromyalgia with Mickel Therapy

Hi Maria
This is an attempt to put into writing how your help has changed my life .Excuse spelling and punctuations.
I worked for 25years in the NHS as a painter and decorator, a very active job ,up and downstep ladders most days always on the go.
Then at 51yrs old I began getting pins and needles in my hands and feet.One dayIcould not climb the step ladders thats when I knew something was very wrong,I had to go off sickAt the time my illness was little known and I got no help at all other than painkillers I was constantly looking for answers but realized I was getting worse not better.
After 6 months one GP diagnosed Fibromyalgia.No one knew much about the illness .The DHSS didnt recognise the illness so I got no Incapacity Benefit and was without income for almost a year which added to the worry.We had to move house to get rid of the mortgage and all the while I felt really ill at one point I was sure I’d end up in a wheelchair.
After 14 years of painkillers Amytriptiline.Tramadol.Fluoxadine Procaine infusions HydrotherepyI still spentmost days in bed with the Cronic fatigue.Little things like using hand towels after a shower because Bath towels were to heavy was just one of things I had to do.We had very little quality time as a family as I couldnt do the normal things family do together and take for granted, life was passing us by.
We even sort self help trying numerous diets excluding yeast dairy detoxing looking into amalgam fillings.Chinese massage and herbal remedies Acapunture you name it I tried it without any improvement all .
My health was deterriorating.I would kneel on the floor with my head on the seat of an armchair for some relief for my feet I felt sore all over.Then I was searching the internet one day looking for Cronic Fatigue as usual when I came across Mickle Therepy,after looking at the video and reading the information I realized for the 1st time this made sense.I decided to find out more and eventually made an appointment with Maria Whitley .
After 2 hours I felt as though I had been speaking to a close friend I drove home in a bit of a daze,thenthings started to fall into place in my mind and my body.After 4 separate appointments over 6 weeksI still find it hard to believe the change in me !
I’m calm feel lighter and unbelievabley painfree
I have got my old life back Walking the dogs,playing golf twice a week done all the jobs around the house.My family
have supported me throughout my illness and know me better than anyone ,they say they have got the old me back
Its been a life changing experience .
When I think of all those suffering who dont know about Self-Help-Mate it is so frustrating and at every opportunity
I will be passing on all my experiences to all the Medical professions that will listen.

How Mickel Therapy Works

Mickel Therapy

Mickel Therapy is a new leading edge treatment for the conditions
of :
– M.E. (Myalgic Encephalomyelitis)
– Chronic Fatigue Syndrome
– Fibromyalgia
– I.B.S.
– Anxiety
– Depression
– Stress-related illness
– All conditions which at their source have an emotional origin.
The treatment is Mickel Therapy, and has been developed by Dr David Mickel, a General Practitioner based in Elgin in Scotland.
The treatment is based on the premise that these conditions have their origin in emotional health and that although they may present as a physical illness, and/or as a psychological condition, they are in fact the manifestation of an overactive hypothalamus gland. It is not understanding this which gives rise to great confusion for sufferers, their carers, and members of the medical profession who have responsibility for the implementation of care.
Mickel Therapy takes the view that the cause of the overactive hypothalamus is stress in the personal environment of the sufferer. A traumatic event or situation has its effect, causing the natural “fight or flight” response in the body.
The hypothalamus, being part of the body’s unconscious nature and therefore not recognised as a concern, continues to respond to life’s everyday stresses in the same way, causing the body to be in a constant state of “Fight or Flight” in response to levels of cortisol being produced, as though the sufferer is living under a constant threat in their personal environment.
Events that are to be expected in life are responded to as if they were life-threatening, and the hypothalamus reacts as if on “high alert”, producing chemicals causing the body to be in an overstressed state physically. The immune system is reduced in its capacity to cope, resulting in repeated episodes of viral infection, or it may manifest a heightened response with all the new stressful information, resulting in auto-immune states of ill-health. This will not stop until the causes of the symptoms are addressed, requiring the sufferer to play an active part in their own recovery process. Without this conscious intervention symptoms will persist and may worsen over time.
This results in a physical and mental system that is stressed and unhappy, and a life out of balance with its own true nature.
What then tends to happen is that sufferers, fearful of a negative response to their unhappy stressed state from others, “bottle up” their true feelings, suppressing their authentic emotional response, until an opportunity arises in which these suppressed emotions find their release. The tragedy for some is that they may never seek release from their emotional symptoms, and this may be overwhelming for some sufferers.
Sometimes this release is expressed in the form of violence or anti –social behaviour, and may have further negative effects within a relationship, in families, or in the community. Sometimes other undesired effects may manifest such as alcoholism, eating disorders, addictions or self-harm, financial difficulty, stigma and discrimination adding further distress. These are secondary emotional effects, not being a primary physical manifestation, and from a Mickel Therapy perspective, they are the results of not having addressed the primary emotional cause of the stress in the personal environment of the individual.

“The problem is that for a culture so caught up with managing the “effects” of emotional concerns, addressing “causes” represents an uncomfortable shift away from the familiar”

Kyle Davies, Clinical Psychologist, co–founder of Mickel Therapy


Mickel Therapy addresses the primary emotions arising in the mid-brain, before thought , which are a response to the cause of symptoms, and helps the client to interpret these, translate them and make the appropriate response for them in their environment. When acted upon, this means that symptoms are no longer produced and the result is optimum health.
Following the Mickel hypothesis, 77% of 4000 people who have been treated with the therapy have gone on to full recovery, and have testified to this.
See :

for testimony as to my own practice of Mickel Therapy, and book reviews.
for the testimony of clients of other practitioners globally.



Our hope is that a more collaborative approach to care may be possible working alongside health professionals and complementary therapists, in co-operation and recognition of our understanding of an emerging new approach to health in the 21st century, meeting the challenges that this brings and the opportunities that are opening up to us. For example, in some areas of the country Conscious Medicine Circles are being set up between those practising inside and outside the NHS, which break down the usual “them and us” barriers to care, and resistance to service user involvement.

“These Circles help to build bridges between conventional medicine and complementary medicine about core assumptions at the basis of the emergent new medicine – such as seeing some physical symptoms as reflecting emotional issues, & energy-consciousness as the basis of reality”.

Gill Edwards

Clinical Psychologist & author of “Conscious Medicine”

If you would like to find out more about Mickel Therapy and how it works I would be happy to hear from you. I can be contacted at this email address
or you can contact me on
All details as to my practice of Mickel Therapy (costs, one to one sessions, retreats at Minsteracres Retreat Centre) can be seen on my website :

A Shift of Emphasis

Something has been bothering me for some time.

Intuitively, I have always been drawn to the Christian Faith because of Jesus Christ, the man, and his teachings. He has always made sense to me, though how he may be portrayed, and his teachings presented, may not.

What has been bothering me is where the emphasis lies in what Jesus says and does in the Gospels.

There is so much focus on worship of Jesus for having “saved” us, and we are to be grateful for this, so we worship him. I see that, but is that what Jesus intended ? Isn’t what he intended, by his suffering on the cross, identification with us? Identification with our sufferings which he was only too aware of in 1st century living….. and are things so different from now? When he said to the women who were weeping on his journey to the crucifixion;

” Don’t weep for me, weep for your children”

Wasn’t he really saying:
Look around you, what do you see, corruption, power, politics, status, fear of loss of these things, this is what has driven the thinking of men to bring me here to you , exactly as you see me here in front of you today. I am leaving this state of affairs for something transcendent, where the thinking of men carries no weight. You however, have children to bring up , subject to what is going on around you, I am here like this today, so that you will remember, I am identifying with you, I know your concerns, I am feeling your pain, I am experiencing your distress, I see your fear for the future, I understand what drives you and what you really desire. I do this so that you will remember you are not alone in a cruel place that exists only in the minds of men. The world is a beautiful place intended for abundant life, not this impoverished state of affairs. I ask of you that you go on to show your children by your love of life, of which they are part, how to create the world they dream of from their hearts, out of their own free will, not their controlled thinking, manipulated by others, fearful of the thinking of others. I am seeking relationship with you here today, not your veneration. I am in love with all created beings, howsoever they choose to see me, I shall not abandon any one of you. Your weeping is demonstrative of your feelings.You shall know me by how you are feeling, it is your truth. Use your truth to guide you wisely in making decisions that will enable love to be experienced, first by you, then expressed as loving action in your environment. When you experience loss, understand that there has been no loss, only transcendance. When you experience failure, understand that there has been no failure, only useful information as to what to do next when you listen to your heart, and the recognition that this applies to others as well as to yourself. When you listen to your heart, you will experience emotion. This is your truth, however uncomfortable, and is intended for your higher good and wellbeing, which is always what love seeks. You can trust yourself when you act from the heart first, then use your thinking to inform your action. This is what love asks of you , to love yourself by empowering yourself, love one another by empowering one another, and be loved, by others, who will not be able to resist you.

Welcome to Self Help Mate

It seems that in these days of uncertainty regarding how best to move forward in the NHS, sufferers of M.E / Chronic Fatigue Syndrome, Fibromyalgia and other Auto Immune Dis-ease may well feel that their needs are not a priority, and as one client said to me recently:


“It’s an awful and terrifying thought that we have become lost in the NHS, no-one apparently knowing what to do with us”.


Who would have even considered such a thought would be expressed by a patient, in the powerful, scientifically materialistic, politically driven, professionally focused, medical model that we have given such value to in 21st Century Britain?


Not me, for sure.


I thought we were going from strength to strength in our approach to healthcare. We discovered stem cell research and bought into the idea that the Human Genome Project would provide us with “the answers”, namely that the answers to our ill-health must be “in our genes” – because Genetic Determinism must explain how we have come to be in this state of chronic ill-health.




The Human Genome Project did not provide us with information relating to that pesky part of our DNA we could alter in order to regain our health. Instead, it showed us how little value this research contributed in taking us any further in our knowledge in

this area.

In fact, what it revealed was that we had the same number of genes as a roundworm!



No, what is becoming clearer is that the answers lie in :




The Environment


That is, our own personal environment, relating specifically to Stress.


Stress that causes the “fight and flight” response, and then stays with us as though we were forever dealing with predators in our everyday experience.


Self-Help-Mate, incorporating the tools of Mickel Therapy, is able to help you identify what it is your unconscious self is seeing as the primary source of your stress, sending you into “fight or flight” mode, and keeping you there. I will be then be able to help you identify what is causing those symptoms of dis-ease, and facilitate you in making the best personal responses for you, in your environment. This is when well clients tell me that their symptoms are no longer produced.


Consider that (according to neuroscientists) the thinking brain – our pre-frontal lobes – contributes to only about 5% of our cognitive activity. This means that 95% of all we decide, feel and do is derived from the unobserved working of the subconscious mind. It is therefore easy to see why it is that psychotherapeutic techniques do not help us here. This has clear, and important, implications for health care – and, indeed, for what we are calling “health”.


So much emphasis is currently given to our scientifically materialistic , evidence-based, medical model, that the experience of well clients is not considered to be acceptable as part of the commissioning process for the NHS in the current climate.


Many sufferers are not even aware that my service, or that of Mickel Therapy, exists. The reasons for this are often said to be the need to protect vulnerable people from private practitioners . Whilst this is understandable, I would also ask you to consider other factors, including;


Power- who has the access to commissioning routes?


Political- Who has the authority to access this power? Based on what criteria?


Professionalism- who will be affected if the criteria change?


There are many more factors to consider in the reasons why sufferers are not able, in the present health care system, to be treated using Mickel Therapy techniques.


Rather than considering what a private practitioner stands to gain, let us ask what it is that practitioners, currently considered to be acceptable providers in the current system, have tolose ?


These are also part of the reason why a client said to me;


“It is an awful, terrifying thought, that we sufferers find ourselves lost in the present system of the NHS”.





The simple fact is, these concerns are not going away. The number of sufferers of Auto-Immune Disease in this country has risen to 250,000 and continues to rise, contributing significantly to the burden of cost of care to the tax payer. The NHS and Welfare System has to support an ever-increasing number of “Young Chronic Sick”, alongside the growing number of “Aging Sick”, and an expanding aging population.


Who is going to be left to foot the bill?


Isn’t it time we looked at the scientific materialist medical model again? It clearly isn’t able to work for us anymore with regard to the diseases of M.E / Chronic Fatigue Syndrome / Fibromyalgia, Auto Immune Disease.


The problem is, it will take time for a new paradigm to be accepted in Medicine – as it will surely have to be – to treat these illnesses at a fraction of the cost of psychological services that do not offer a cure, and costly pharmaceuticals that at best will only manage or mask symptoms.


The fact is, the client is the answer for themselves. It is  their responses to, and from, their environment, that is the cause and cure for their illness, based on the new understandings of consciousness which are emerging (in areas such as quantum physics, for instance).


In the meantime, sufferers continue to suffer whilst the political arguments roll on, and more and more people will become the victims of their own stressful environments, at home, and at work. We are looking at disease on an epidemic scale if we don’t do somethingquickly.


I am able to help if you believe in my ability to facilitate the Mickel Therapy process for you, and have faith in yourself that you have the answers for you.



Make sense?



If so, please see the testimonials regarding my practice on this website and see the benefit that others are willing to share as to their own recovery.


Please also see the Press Releases page for further well client testimony.


If what you have read here , and on the testimonials pages, make sense to you then I will be delighted to hear from you.



See :


– sessions and pricing


– buy sessions


– contact details pages on this site



Let’s work together to get you well, and back to being the best expression of yourself that you can be.


Health may be just around the corner, why wait?


Book your session of Mickel Therapy through Self-Help-Mate today.

That Loving Feeling: How are you feeling today?

Do you desire healing?


See if what is written here resonates with you, how to do this. Be aware of how you are feeling as you read this, and be gentle with yourself. This is powerful healing.


First of all :


Release all thinking continuously going around in your head, including how you think others see you, or your situation in life. Release any preconceived ideas you have about yourself, and thoughts of others, who are, or who have been, part of your “world”. Release the need for people and situations to be a certain way. By doing this you will immediately open up a new platform from where to live your life, from which all possibilities are open to you….if you choose to see it that way, if you feel you are worth changing your thinking for.


Allow feeling to emerge from deep inside, your “gut feelings”, intuition, heartfelt desires. Feel your truth, not what you had previously “thought” was your truth, or have been told is your truth.


All anger, frustration , grief, joy, experienced as physical, or emotional pain, or happiness, is simply useful information relating to our experience in the present. It is wise not to suppress these feelings as they are present to inform our healthy decision making concerning “our world”, here and now.


It is desirable that we love ourselves (informed by our feelings, NOT our thinking) first,  before we give any loving energy away to others, or to keeping situations as they are, which is not in our own healthy, nurturing, self loving interests, in a changing, creative and therefore unpredictable world.


Love is the universal base energy for all life, and therefore the most powerful creative force in the universe …..if we choose to see it that way…


It facilitates the ongoing process we call life, as it always was, is now in our present, and always will be, just as all energy comes into form, changes form, and goes beyond present form, as history shows us.



You are able now to facilitate yourself, in giving expression, lovingly, to the truth you discover about yourself in your present emotional “form”, : tears, laughter, sighs, gentle relaxed relief, smile, howsoever your own “loving feeling” shows you.


There is no need to judge yourself, only to discern yourself, honestly and constructively, and to let go of pain, by taking personal responsibility for our own self “loving feeling”, before all else.


You are now able to empower yourself, by standing in your own truth, and share your truth with others when you feel comfortable with this.